If Spring can melt the snow away, can it thaw an icey heart???

(When I was young) You used to hold me, told me I was the best, anything in this world I wanted I could possess, all that made me want is all that I could get. In order to survive gotta learn to live with regrets... – Jay-Z, “Regrets”

I know it hasn’t been a week yet but I have to get something off my chest…
I recently took a leap of faith. I decided to move away from my family, friends, and all that was familiar in order to continue on my path of success.
My girl friend visited her sister in Atlanta and was so enamored with the city that she made it her mission to find a job and an apartment to move down there. At first I was completely against it, but as time went on and I started looking at my surroundings, (living on my grandmothers couch, not having anything that I could call my own, 3 kids and no real career.) I came to a conclusion; I needed to make a change. I read somewhere that “success breeds success.” Not meaning that if you’re around successful people you will become successful, but if you watch and learn from successful people, then apply that knowledge in your own life you too can become successful. In Philly, (not to offend anyone) I don’t know many people that I would consider successful. A few of my friends and some family members were offended when I said that to them, they feel like they are successful or on a path of success.
I might have high standards, but it’s the people that I offended that made me this way. When I was young, my mother would tell me that I could have whatever I wanted, my father made sure that I never had to put my future in jeopardy by ceasing to put his in jeopardy and getting a “real” job, my grandmothers made sure that I never wanted for anything, and my grandfather told me that I was the best. My friends wish the best for me. Just before I left Philly, my best friend and I had a huge argument. He told me that I always aimed too high and never reached my goals. He also said I never could start at the bottom.
Considering everything that I considered (all of the above,) I decided to leave. I would go to Atlanta where I would surround myself with successful people, watch, learn and apply. I would start at the bottom and climb to the top no matter how hard that climbed proves to be. I have kids that have to see me reach that apex. I have a little brother who lost a part of himself at too young an age and I need him to shoot for the stars and not consider missing. I lost a part of myself too, but now I have an angel on my shoulder and in GOD’s ear making sure he taught me the lessons I needed to learn for this journey. I have too many people cheering and praying for me, for me to fail at this point. There is at least 1 devil just waiting for me to fail and now that I know who it is, it hurts entirely too much to stop now.
I spoke to my mother today. She told me not to call her unless I need a plane ticket to come home. I learned a long time ago not to react in anger because you may hurt someone that you did not intend on hitting or inflict more damage than what you wanted. So I always make sure that my responses are calculated and tactful. I just said “Bye Mom.” When I respond believe you me I’m going to cut deep, but not too deep because she is my mom and because she motivated me even more than I was before. Now I have to prove her wrong. I have to prove the doubters wrong. I’m a very vindictive person and I’m my Mom-Mom’s child because I do not let go of a grudge. I love my mother and I just lost my father, my best friend a little or a year ago. But as of today, I lost them both. If I don’t see or talk to her again, it would be too soon. When I go to Philly to visit for the holidays, I’m going to see my grandmother’s and my father’s gravesite. You may say that’s harsh, but if you found out that the 1 person that you thought would always be in your corner is only there to make sure you give up, how would you feel??? That was part of the reason I left. My mother is 40 something and still lives with her mom. She has nothing to call her own because my grandmother was like a second mom to my brother and I so she really can only say she birthed us and “helped” raise us.
Looking back at all of my failures throughout my life I realize that my mother played an integral role in all of them. Don’t get me wrong my failures are my failures but you never do anything completely by yourself, normally someone is there that you either modeled yourself after, pushed in one direction or the other, or was just there. So far I’ve failed as a father, a student, and a son. No more. Today is the day I say it to the world, the next time I fail it will be because I tried too hard, not because I gave up.
That’s it for now. Thanks for your time, comments are welcome.
Basim “The Dream”
“Keep Dreamin”