Monday, August 9, 2010

I am tired of men blaming women!!!

Let me start by being “honest.” I have robbed a lot of banks in my 29 years of life. Meaning I wronged a few women. In some cases, just for sport, in other cases, I really liked them but I was in another relationship when I met them. But either way, I, for lack of a better word, “dogged’ them out. I used them for what I wanted and nothing more. I lied, manipulated, toyed w/ their emotions, used their weaknesses against them, etc. I was good at it. I would seek out victims like a robber casing a bank. I knew more about them from 1 conversation than they knew they told me. I befriended them, made them trust me and I made them feel bad if they didn’t trust me. For all of these things, I apologize.

Blaming women for getting dogged out by men is like blaming banks when they get robbed.
I mean seriously, answer me this…
1. Did they leave the doors open too long? (Most banks are now open 7 days a week, 8 – 10 hours a day.)
2. Did they not have an armed security guard? (Most bank robbers don’t use guns, they merely pass a note to a teller.)
3. Did they have to many or not enough employees? (Employees are potential hostages and potential thieves. Hostages create an even more dangerous environment and they are great at robbing banks because they know it so well.)
4. Was there not enough or too much cash available? (The Great Depression started when a man walked into a bank and asked for all the money available in his account and the bank refused sighting the fact that they did not have enough cash on hand.)
5. Are their policies and procedures outdated? (Currently at most banks, if a robber asks an employee for money, they must comply. If not they are fired on the spot. Don’t be a hero, refusing can get you killed.)
6. Do they not have enough turnstiles or is the line to the teller too direct? (Turnstiles as well as other methods – metal detectors, 1 person at a time through door, etc. – are used for crowd control and to slow potential robbers.)

I likened women to banks for a few reasons.

1. They want men. So they open themselves up to being hurt.
Women have been fed for years that they should get married and have kids. If they weren’t taught that, the human race would not exist much longer. Women also enjoy sex, if not why would they do it? These are the primary reasons men can hurt women w/ little to no recourse.

2. The men who hurt them don’t all use the same tactics but all have the same endgame.
Human beings are like everything else in the world, we adapt. Women don’t get hurt by the same type of man every time she gets hurt. Nor does she get hurt the same way by the same man. On the surface it may look like if he cheated once he’ll do it again, but it’s really not that simple. The 1st time he blamed her for his infidelity. The 2nd time he blamed himself and promised never to do it again. The 3rd time he said she didn’t spend enough time with him. And soon and so on.

3. They either don’t trust their friends (male or female) or trust them too much.
OK, this is easy. The person who will most likely hurt a woman is her friend. Whether they tell her the truth, withhold potentially hurtful info, or use their friendship for personal gain. Men will use their friendship with a woman for lots of things, including and besides sex. Women will use their friendships for lots of things, including getting closer to their man or to just break up a good relationship because they aren’t happy.

4. They’re either too independent or not independent enough (too small or too big to fail.)
Whether a woman is independent or needy doesn’t really matter to most men. For 1, the women that raised them were either 1 or the other and that’s the traits they’re looking for. Either in a potential mate or just someone they want to just have sex with. But he’ll tell a woman that she’s too much of 1 or the other just to justify his own behavior and attitude toward her. For instance, If a man says a woman is too independent, he is more than likely the type of person that wants a women who clearly “needs” him. If he says a woman is too needy, he is probably the type of man who is a “momma’s boy.” He wants to be taken care of in some capacity. He either can’t cook, his fiscal responsibility sucks, or he just wants to be a “Toys-R-Us” man, and he doesn’t want to grow up.

5. If they change their “ways” there is no guarantee that they will stop getting hurt.
People always say, if you want to meet a 1 night stand go to the club, if you want to meet a wife, go to church. There is a fatal flaw in this logic; most young people (ages 13 – 50) go to both… So, is John from the club different than John from church??? He may treat you differently at first, but he is still the same person, capable of the same things. I men who are players in church and at the club, but most of them are players at both.

6. They have up “walls” or they use tactics to try to eliminate those who could potentially hurt them.
All women do it. They have certain criteria that a man must meet for them to date them. None of this matters; again, men adapt to conquer their prey. So if you start out a conversation by saying what you want in a man, he’s going to mirror that image. Most men make it easy for themselves by asking the women and her being eager to tell him, spills it out. Some women are protective and guarded of their feelings. Not all men can adapt to conquer this type of women, but the patient man can and will get through and can still hurt her and leave a more damaging wound because she “trust” him.

There is really no way to protect them against all the people wanting to do them harm. Not even from the people who want to blame them for getting hurt. Men are the reason women are they way they are. Whether it is her father, pastor, brother, step dad, or whoever, he is mandated to protect her and teach her what to expect from a man. If any of the men in a woman’s life fail at this while she is young and still learning, she can be doomed for life. If any man over steps by molesting, raping, or feeding a young girl’s fantasy of being with an older man, he can potentially ruin her psyche for life. There are lots more reasons as to why it’s not her fault but these are the main ones and we as men need to stop and look in the mirror before we start doling out advice to women that is just, in most all cases, an outright lie.
Now since you’ve read this whole thing, I know you have a comment. Whether you agree or disagree, I’d love to hear from you. Leave it hear or you can email me at basimthedream@gmail.com and I'll post your comment anonymously. Thanks for lending me your mind for a few seconds.

4 comments:

  1. My boy Nate brought me to this blog, and you couldn't be more on point. You need to post this for every man boy and child to see.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  2. I think, that much of what your saying is true But what is the answer for those of us who have had some of destructive behaviors? See it's not just enough to state the problem, what is the solution. Because if we can't somehow learn to develop healthy relationships then what are we doing except continuing to repeat bad habits for our children and all the world to see and are doomed to repeat.

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  3. I also got this link from Nate W.'s page. Historically, our black men didn't start out this way. They were so protective of the black woman, as much as possible, during and right after slavery. In 1890 was the last census taken where it was rare for a black home to not have a father. 1890???? While I know black men don't like to take 100% of the blame, what you said about the girl being taught how to find a man to treat them right from what her father, brother, uncle, pastor or step-father has shown her is the key component to our survival as a black culture. Just my opinion.
    It is, however so impressive that these thoughts came from a man your age. Very insightful and I think you were right on! But someone will look at my post and think "well she's a woman, of course she'll agree."

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  4. @Jay Thanks and I'm sharing it as much as possible. If you'd like you can share it too.

    @Anonymous I am treating this like a disease. 1st we have to discover that it exist. (done) Next we have to learn how to prevent new patients. (This will be the next blog I write on this subject, but I'm doing some interviews first.) Lastly we have to cure those who were infected. (This is the hardest part because there won't be 1 universal cure for every woman.)

    @Maria Thanks and there are a lot of ppl who agree w/ us but will never say anything until it becomes the popular opinion. Lets keep spreading the word.

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